Why I’m Going to Block You

The following article may not be appropriate for all readers.

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Let’s get something straight, shall we? I like my filter bubble. It’s why I still have a personal website and use RSS feeds. Sometimes I just don’t want to hear from randos who think I owe them a debate (or even a fair hearing) because I had the effrontery to express an opinion online. When I do use social media, I use the block button without hesitation. I don’t need a reason to block you. A good excuse will do. Here are a few of my favorites.

Table of Contents

You’re a Default

If you don’t have an avatar and a profile description, I’m going to assume you’re a robot and block you.

Your Following:Follower Ratio Sucks

If you’re following dozens, hundreds, or even thousands of accounts but nobody follows your account, I’m going to assume you’re a robot.

You Tried to Police My Speech

If you’re not a moderator or the site admin, you don’t get to tell me what to say or how to say it. If you don’t like what I say, block me. I’m fine with that, but don’t ever presume to police me because I don’t answer to you.

ACAB also applies to people who try to police everybody else’s speech (or tone). I’m not here to get a fuckin’ education, and I’m not here to be your ally. Save your sanctimony for church, because if I wanted to spend time in the vampire castle I’d play Castlevania or Bloodstained.

You Have an Anime Avatar

Anybody who has spent time on Twitter since 2012 knows from experience that accounts with anime avatars are usually edgy teenagers or college kids looking to heap abuse on others. I don’t have time for that shit.

Your Avatar is a Model Headshot

I like pussy as much as any other straight or bisexual guy, but I’m a realist. I know damn well that women who look like models or porn stars aren’t interested in anything I have to say. If you look too good to be true, you probably are.

No Public Posts in English

If you don’t post publicly, or you don’t post publicly in English, then it’s obvious you’re not interested in interacting with me. Therefore, I’m not interested in interacting with you either.

If you’re going to slide into my DMs without permission, at least buy me a drink first. And hold the roofies.

I Stalked You and I Thought I Was on 4chan

If your post history makes you look like a channer, then I don’t want anything to do with you. If I wanted to deal with channer culture I’d frequent 4chan and friends myself. I don’t, and I’m not interested in hearing from those who do.

You’re Some Kind of Alt-Reich Cultist

I don’t have time for people pushing neo-Nazi, fascist, ancap, dark enlightenment, grey enlightenment, or similar ideology. Jews aren’t interesting in replacing you. They just wish you’d leave them the fuck alone.

You Forgot the Magic Word

If you want me to do something for you, I expect you to ask and say “please”. You are my equal at most, and I do not allow my equals to command me.

You Can’t Keep Your God to Yourself

I don’t want to hear about your religion. My idea of religious tolerance is not turning fundies into shark bait. I don’t put up with Jehovah’s Witlesses and Morons when they knock on my door, and I won’t tolerate similar treatment online. End of story.

You Post Porn

I like porn, but not on social media. Neither Mark Zuckerberg nor Jack Dorsey need to know what makes my dick hard. More importantly, I don’t need them to know that.

You Post Loli Shit

If they’re too young to drink, they’re too young for me to fuck.

Drawings of girls that look like they’re 12 but “are actually 10,000 years old” don’t turn me on, and neither does the thought of being publicly reviled as a pedophile and having my life stolen from me by a jury of self-righteous assholes and ignorant shitfountains who still think animation is for kids because they’ve never seen Heavy Metal, let alone Akira, Vampire Hunter D, or Legend of the Overfiend.

Look: I’m not trying to virtue signal here. I ain’t gonna judge you. If you live in Japan, where lolicon (Lolita complex) material is legal, knock yourself right the fuck out. But don’t share it with me, because even if I lived in Japan I’m not into that shit myself.

You’re From Russia, India, China, or Vietnam

Unfortunately, most of the accounts I see from these countries tend to be spammers. As a result, I’m kinda prejudiced and will stalk your public history to see if you’re actually human.

You Annoy Me

To be fair, it doesn’t take much to annoy me, but it’s not like I’m getting paid to put up with your bullshit.

You Gave Me Shit About Blocking People

If you object to me blocking people, then I’ll block you too. Why shouldn’t I? You’re not entitled to an audience, and I don’t owe you my time or attention.

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